The Maths Executioner

This poem was the upper school Chocolate Challenge winner.

The Maths Executioner
by Victoria W.

In the classroom the pupils wait,
Playing down their long-term fate.
Posters dotted ’round the room,
Contribute to the doom and gloom.

Trigonometry, geometry and pi,
Where’s the homework, better lie.
The teacher, wearing black, comes in,
An executioner with an ominous grin.

It’s now week B, time for a new victim,
Last week a her, this week a him.
He sits there shaking, eyes rolling,
Contemplating the joyful out strolling.

“Stand up!” is shouted, axe at the ready,
How he wishes he’d stayed in bed with his teddy.
Maths he’d chosen for a laugh,
Now he had to face its wrath;
Angles and Pythagoras’ theorem,
He wishes he’d never gone anywhere near ’em.
Nowhere to go, nothing to say,
The Samaritans were engaged anyway.

In all his inwardly directed fright,
His pen to the floor took flight.
Whilst reaching into the depths of hell,
To retrieve his pen from where it fell,
The axe swings down, his neck it meets,
No more chocolate, crisps or sweets.

Hanging on with every breath,
The group contemplate his approaching death,
For the future they hope and pray,
And one bright spark stands up to say:
“Won’t be long until teacher’s retired”
With that the wretched child expired.

Poem © Vicky W. All rights reserved.

Note from Ms Lindemann: I hope this wasn’t based on Vicky’s maths teacher – because that was me!


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